ARTICLES

I sat down with Denny Upkins on Yopp to discuss my book, "A Gay Man's Guide to Life," my new podcast "Not Going Quietly," what it's like to live in a world of straight supremacy as a queer person, and how to be a better ally.

If we gay men are ever going to eradicate our epidemic of persistent loneliness, we’re going to have to reclaim our stories, shed our shame, and stand in our power. Only then can we attract lasting love. We must learn to be our unapologetically authentic and unique selves, spend time in those places and spaces where we can shine our lights the brightest, and then follow the energy wherever it leads, without attachment to outcomes.

Even the most well-meaning straight parents rarely raise culturally gay children. They simply lack the lived experience to impart that wisdom. Without direct access to healthy gay mentors and peers, gay children are left to cobble together this part of their culture on their own....

Most of us stumble into adulthood a little battered and bruised, which means we must attend to our wounds before leaping into the lives we were meant to lead. Maybe we have patterns of behavior that involve abandoning ourselves in times of stress. Whatever the case, nobody is beyond the power of redemption or outside the reach of kindness...

Despite the sacredness of each moment, there’s no need to take things so seriously. In fact, the moment often requires certain silliness or lightheartedness. I spent my formative years fighting one battle after another until I forgot how to set down my sword and take off my armor altogether.

Our road to self-discovery is marked by generational biases and homophobic messaging. And with no clear path in sight, many gay men simply find themselves in a proverbial roundabout, trapped in an endless loop of no-win situations...

I sat down with Reader Views to discuss my new book, "A Gay Man's Guide to Life," what it's like to live in a world of straight supremacy as a queer person, and to create your best life.

Companies are just collections of people, and people are imperfect. In some cases, our flaws are just the innocuous expressions of our human design. But in other cases, we have weaponized our shortcomings as a means to make ourselves feel powerful on the backs of others. And many workplaces offer little sanctuary...

Coming out is an important milestone in any gay man’s life, so here's what it means to come out and be an active member of the gay community.

We can only heal what we love. And for those of us who have spent our lives roiling in the cauldron of inequality, self-loathing lingers long past the pain of prejudice. In the case of gay men, straight society breaks us and then mocks us for our brokenness, first as the objects of scorn and ridicule, and then shame and violence.

This article, by Renee Kemper, is adapted from my recently released book, "A Gay Man's Guide to Life." Understanding our missed milestones in childhood is crucial to empathizing with our emotional struggles in adulthood.

Real change requires sustained effort. Demands self-discovery, personal practice, and relatedness. Insists on hustle and teamwork. Takes energy and execution. A bias towards action. For all those who want to my story, this article is for you....

I wasted so many years hating myself. Not realizing that those very parts of me I loathed were loved by others. Even coveted. And it all started with my body. No matter the size of your waistline. Whatever your height. Or your race. No matter your gender expression. Whatever your hair color or texture. Your body is worthy of love. Especially from you....

If, like me, you have lived with mental illness, you know about the sack of rocks: that extra baggage we carry that burdens our backs with an unfair and unchosen weight....

In my spiritual journey I have sat with Quakers and Buddhists, have stood with Lutherans and Episcopalians. Yet I do not feel part of any particular movement, nor any group-oriented faith-based practice. In this way, I am connected to everybody. Which is another way of saying there is nowhere to hide. That everyone is my soulmate. And that we are all in this together....

If, like me, you have struggled to get traction in your career, take heart. Yes, corporate bigotry is real. Yes, the system is rigged. But that’s not the end of the story. You might not be able to control a hiring manager. But you can control your attitude, enthusiasm, energy, and preparation. There is no reason to succumb to self-limiting thoughts....

I grew up believing in the lottery of life: some of us would just never make it rich without divine intervention. Which was another way of saying there was nothing I could do to lift myself out of my circumstances, unless I got lucky. I knew nothing about creating or maintaining a sustainable income, and was wholly unprepared for adulthood....

When it comes to building families, GBTQ men have faced unique challenges for centuries. Whether dealing with family-of-origin issues, getting married, creating chosen families of our own, or directly raising children, we have more options than ever before available to us....

Little in the lives of GBTQ men is more challenging than the forging and nurturing of sustainable friendships. In fact some of us have very few GBTQ friends at all, which can further negative self-images, internal shame, and loneliness....

Our secrets are killing us. And the space where many of us hold the most shame is in our sex lives. It is the core of the homophobia we experienced, and where we often reserve our most intense expressions of self-loathing....

Let’s face it: the LGBTQIA+ community can seem like a strange and unlikely collection of disparate groups. An uneasy coalition of outcasts. United to fight for similar issues, if not for a single, common cause. Bound by our bodies. Standing for how we love. Struggling to protect whom we love....

It’s incumbent upon us to shine. Not necessarily to take the room. But to permeate it with our radiant presence. To attract those that feel inspired. This is the essence of service work: less to impose our will on the world, than to embody our spiritual essence such that we might manifest our greatest good...