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Feeling Inadequate Over the Holidays

As we head deeper into the holiday season, it’s so easy for us to succumb to feelings of inadequacy. We’re surrounded by images of gorgeous people in gorgeous places doing gorgeous things. How can our lives measure up? 😔

If we compare our insides to other people’s outsides, we will always come up short. Especially if those outsides are media-driven manufactured images or carefully curated social media stories. And when we layer in the hetero-normative lens through which all this is filtered, we might be tempted to water down our own uniquenesses. Those things that make us individuals. Particularly when those things might make us some seem more “feminine” or more “gay.” 🔥

It’s so easy to dim our light, play it small, and slink in the shadows just to avoid negative attention. To facilitate holiday conversations. And if we do this more and more, over time, we might lose something in the process. Until maybe we lash out in a rage. Piss everyone off that we love. Just to validate our feelings of isolation.


You can both be yourself (all of you) and deserve love and respect. You can both stand tall and be respectful. You can be gay and fully participate in the holidays. You can create the life you want. ❤️

Of course you can’t change your family of origin. Of course you can’t change the holiday culture or underlying mass media.

What you can change is you: Authenticity: creating a life worth living all starts with being yourself. If you wear masks and hide behind roles then nobody will see the real you, which means they cannot love the real you. Humility: when we hold awareness of our place in the universe, our character defects, and all the times we’ve gotten things wrong, it’s easy to acknowledge the potential shortcomings in our biases and pre-conceived notions. Curiosity: when we accept the fact that there might be flaws in the stories we create, then a natural inquisitiveness arises in our hearts and minds as to the nature of other people’s experiences. Empathy: when we use our hearts and minds to inquire and think broadly about others, a natural sense of compassion arises in us. We see the world through their lens and walk in their shoes. Grace: when we create space for the full humanness of others, we can measure all of them. Their character qualities and character defects. A natural pliability arises. Something bends. And hearts inevitably grow close.

It’s not that everything happens for a reason. In fact everything happens for lots of reasons, many of which are outside our control. But I believe we can use anything to grow our hearts and deepen our love. And that’s what the holiday season is all about!

#holidays #self-esteem #self-worth

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