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Homo for the holidays

For some of us it happens every year around this time. We visit our families for the holidays, and they immediately start the old song and dance…

👩‍🦰 “When are you going to meet somebody?”

🧔“Why are you still single?”

👩‍🦳“When are you going to bring a nice guy home for us to meet?”

👨‍🦳“I want grand-kids!”

It’s actually really sweet because they’re obviously trying.

They just want to love and support us. But it can still feel like so much pressure. And some of us feel like we have to deflect, and change the topic entirely. Others of us actually lie, and tell them we’re dating someone, when we haven’t been on a real date in months or even years. 😔

Can’t they see that of course we would love to meet someone special? That we long to start a family of our own? But maybe we just don’t have the slightest idea how to get started…

I may not have a magic wand, but I know this much is true:


If we want change, then it’s time to cut the crap, let go of our excuses, and get real. 🔥

Loving Honesty is the best policy: let’s stop coddling our families. When confronted with the same old song and dance, let’s ask them if they really want to have an open and honest conversation. Where we can share with them the cost of the closet and the harm of homophobia. Our truth of what we have endured, sometimes even at their hands. But temper this conversation with kindness. Create space for their experience. Get real, but avoid blame and shame. It’s time to set ourselves free!

Share about your life: let’s share more of our lives with our loved ones. Stop playing it small for the sake of family unity. Step out of the shadows and into the light. When they ask how we’re doing, let’s really tell them. When they ask what we did last weekend, let’s share the PG-rated version. Including some details about our dating life. Stand tall. Take up space. And let's claim our rightful place in our families.

Vow to make a change: if we do what we always did, then we’ll get what we always got. Draw a line in the sand. Do something different. Acknowledge and own the reasons, but drop the excuses. If we’ve spent months or years trying to figure this out on our own, let’s stop. And reach out for help. Hire a professional. Someone to help us reclaim our power and create a plan of action. And then share these intentions with our loved ones.

Look I know it’s scary, but we can’t afford not to do this work. The entire world needs us to live our best lives. And sharing our true self with the world is our greatest gift. If we're ready to make a change, then let's make it!

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